stop having courage!!!
The feeling when nothing go as well as you have planned or when courage betray you and you have to pretend you are okay and nothing have happen even if things proof that it happen?
Why do i have the courage to do it but have not enough to face it? Yesterday courage was the day before one, ended up losing all of it on the spot.
Thought there will be some changes in the relation but nothing change. Is it a good thing or not? Today the feeling of something might change turn out to be unable to face each other.
What a ridiculous courage i have...
Bottled up for seven years, if i did not have the courage, will i have no regret? All i wanted was to have no regret before i graduate but it seem like i will be regretting more about what i do yesterday.
But i mean what i said, which i have no regret on. But i hesitated and did not do what i planned.
Its him...
He said what i took so many years, so much effort to have that courage to say out. I not sure whether it is the rite choice to take.
I like him way before i graduate from primary school, but wasn't able to confess due to my fainthearted. I missed the chance back then. At that time i thought to myself that i should just give up, maybe we are just not meant to be...
Then when we meet again, thunder struck. He have a girlfriend and it seems like everyone from primary school know it except for mi. Am i the only one left out?
So i once again burnout the fire inside telling myself 'Its okays, he had his life and i have mine. don't go disturb and just... go though myself.' It seem like at that point i've turn that much negative already...
When he and i get into the same school again, i thought 'Hey maybe if i can't get to confess, i can just stay close to him or just confess that last time i liked him and just be friends?'. So i pestered him with question like 'Do you have a gf' or 'I want to ask you a question' but it all ended with 'Nvm', 'Just asking' or 'Nothing'. Am i dumb or what? i could have just say out, like yesterday. Nothing will really happen, really..
Just maybe. he get what i was hinting then and confess to mi but at that time i could not think straight and rejected him. After that believe mi, i regretted. Stupid stupid breakdown point i have. i just have to go though that thing when he confess. i never said anything about that incident or maybe i said something about it or maybe i lied. I was actually quite elated at that moment, but situation did not end well, i have to reject that time. I have a promise to keep and the shit i'm going though just don't allow mi to accept that confession. Maybe i was just too selfish, thinking that he would accept mi once more after i clear my mess. However, that is not the case. I try stop pestering him and clear my phone data so that trouble don't get to anyone. And after i settle my stuff, i have only little confident left. Things are just not the way it was anymore. I'm not that little girl who know nothing about the dark side or have nothing dark with her... I'm just pretending to be her, even if deep inside, she is not even there anymore. I just can't tell anyone, not even in here, where i know no one will be glancing since not much people or maybe no one is even using this platform anymore.
Its just a nightmare to mi...
别再有勇气了！
孤单总比后悔好
至少孤单还能和他做朋友
可后悔却只能留在过去 回忆
看吧，有勇气的下场
到现在把事情给弄巧成拙
Labels: just pour water to that passion
